1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
smell my finger.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
