He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
