i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
