she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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