Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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