I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
