Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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