i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
