I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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