Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am one with the molecules
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
