What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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