have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize