I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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