Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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