I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
