I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
