Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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