Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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