i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
