I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
