He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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