Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize