Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
