We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
