And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
