"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
