i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Boobs are out for the taking
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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