he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize