come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
