You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
