We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
