Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this just has baby written all over it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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