your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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