that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize