Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
