She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
