True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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