If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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