I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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