everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
