Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
