Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
