Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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