Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
