Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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