How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
