God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
