Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're a waste of cheezeits
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
