We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i barfeds in our rink
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
being pregnant is like rehab
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you made out with another girl for some wings
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
