My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
