Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
