btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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