genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
