I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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