You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
