He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
