This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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