people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize