my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
