Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
