So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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