And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
