Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
