HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
