Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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