I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
