Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am puke
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
