love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
