This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
