At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
