I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
