I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize