There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
