Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
