i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
