I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
