I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
