Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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