im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
