at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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