woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm like, not good at living.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
