Farmville is her only friend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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