I want you more than these girls want KFC
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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