I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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