Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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