i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
