no, he came in my armpit
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
