WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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