1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
