I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize