Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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