Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
