he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
