so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
