you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
