The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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