Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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