I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
