I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
