I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
