My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
