You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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