I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
