That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
