I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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