I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
