Porn is love you can see.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
